he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
