Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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