You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
