The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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