dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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