I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
