I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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