so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
