There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
