Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
