how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?