I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.