Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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