he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
