im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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