there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
