The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
