Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
