Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
