I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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