Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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