Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
