You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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