The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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