i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
