Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
