please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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