my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
