i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
