in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
