i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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