There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
