Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
