don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
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I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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