So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
