Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
