Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
