I think my vagina is haunted
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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