dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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