I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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