Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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