i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
