You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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