dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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