sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
