i need an iv and a liver transplant
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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