hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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