he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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