the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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