Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
