break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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