well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
either way he was missing a nipple.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
