My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
