i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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