My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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