You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
