he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
