Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
