Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
