in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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