I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
