My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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