Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
