went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
