i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize