its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
