Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
