hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
