The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
