dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
