I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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