ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
