Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
