My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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