I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
