i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
