I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
wow bdsm is so cute
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
