I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
